Parcel Post

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Mostly fact. Essay. 700 words, 4-minute read.

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Parcel Post

By Ray Tabler

I’m a firm believer that a writer of fiction will struggle to outdo real life in terms of unlikely incidents. As the old saying goes, fact is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense. For example, even though Spanish ships sailed up and down the California coast for 200 years before an overland expedition stumbled upon the excellent harbor we now call San Francisco Bay. The Golden Gate blended in perfectly with the background and/or was shrouded by fog so that no one suspected the bay was there. The local indigenous people knew, but they, wisely, keep quiet about it. In Vienna, Austria, before the First World War, Hitler, Stalin, and Trotsky (poor, aspiring revolutionaries at the time) all frequented the same coffee shop, the Café Zentral. Which is still in operation to this day. The state of Texas chose and adopted almost the same flag as the country of Chile, and nobody seemed to notice for a long time.

Each of these items are documented history, unbelievable as they sound. Because that’s how events unfold when you pack enough foolish humans onto one spinning globe. Crazy stuff happens. And if a writer pays attention, that provides a gold mine of source material.

My last post discussed how a day job, as opposed to simply writing for a living, brings the writer into contact with a wealth of stories from coworkers. Properly adapted, those tales can add a realistic aspect to writing. Below is a true story, at least as told to me, by a colleague many years ago.

For a time, I worked at a small chemical company, the name of which will not be disclosed, with a lab technician. Over coffee in the breakroom, she related an incident from her misspent and eventful youth. She attended a party. There was an abundance of alcohol consumed. She fell into a deep sleep. When she awoke, she was in a box. A cardboard box. The box was taped shut.

This situation caused her some concern. And she began to thrash and scream. After some time, someone opened the box and let her out. The box, and my coworker, were in the back end of the local post office. A postal worker, hearing the screaming and observing a cardboard box jerking about, decided it best to see what was inside.

My coworker’s “friends” had decided it would be a hoot to ship her to Florida. Apparently, she’d complained about the cold New York weather at the party. Did I mention that copious quantities of alcohol were consumed at this party?

Did this incident actually occur? I believe it did. Did the tale grow in the telling? Probably. Would I, for one, have ever cooked up such a story out of my own imagination? Definitely not.

The original story doesn’t have to be faithful retold. might be better, from a legal perspective, if it isn’t. The edited narrative could follow a number of paths.

Headline: Dead Letter, Corpse Mailed to Florida Post Office. ==> Murder mystery.

The shipped woman might get (relation)shipped with the postal worker who rescued her. ==> Romcom meet cute.

The woman in the box holds a grudge and wants some payback. ==> Gritty revenge drama. Or dark comedy revenge story.

Fake address the pranksters scribbled on the carton turns out to be a haunted house, or a vampire’s lair, or a secret government facility imprisoning aliens/mutants/time travelers. ==> Urban fantasy/romantasy/sci-fi.

And so on, and so…

Authors often must sequester themselves away while writing. The world is rife with distractions and excuses to stray from the task at hand. But, the dazzling, random, never-ending spectacle of your fellow humans continually finding new ways to fail, succeed, and astonish us is the best font of inspiration any of us will ever find. So, keep your ears open, drink it all in, and write it all down. Usually all you have to change will be the names and locations, to avoid lawsuits.

END.

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